Surrender

Lately, I have felt so distant from God.  I know that He is always present, always with me.  It has been such a hard season: trying to figure out what God wants me to do, where I am supposed to be, who I am supposed to be.  There have been so many questions, so many doubts, fears, etc. I have relied so heavily upon myself, and placed all the focus and attention on my self - thinking that I can handle it all.

See, I always feel like I need to be in control.  I want to handle things on my own, and it is hard for me to completely trust God, and rely on Him.  One reason is because He doesn't always do things the way I would like them to be done, many times it is not the timing I would like, and it is not how I would do it.  But why do I doubt Him.  He is God.  He is in control of it all whether I like it or not. Why don't I turn to Him when I am in most need.

I recently began reading Abba's Child by Brennan Manning.  What an incredible book.  I have only gotten a few pages into the book, because there is so much to absorb and take in; it is speaking right to my heart for where I am at this time in my life.  He says "We cannot accept love from another human being when we do not love ourselves, much less accept that God could possibly love us.  God loves who we really are - whether we like it or not.  God calls us to come out of hiding."

I have a hard time loving myself, and can be so critical of who I am.  I look at myself in the mirror, and see someone that I don't like.  I want to be different.  I can't accept the fact that God loves me.  How could He love someone like me?  What does He see in me?  But He does.  He loves me despite me.  God loves who I REALLY Am.  He loves the person He created.  the person He made in HIS Image.  I am HIS.  He wants the best for me.  He wants to see me walk in HIS Ways, and love who He made me to be.  He Alone is God.  I need to accept myself for who God made me to be.  I have to stop looking at myself, and begin looking at Him.  I desire to walk in His ways, and to live out who He made me to be.

Surrender
Leaving it all at the door
Giving it all over to God, and desiring more
Desiring to Walk in His Ways
In Everything I do, For All My Days
He is Faithful
He is Merciful
He is Gracious
Each step I take, Every move I make
Forming more and more into His Likeness
He is my desire
So I will surrender All I am, For All He Is
Surrender